And…he’s back.

“Life will break you.
Nobody can protect you from that,
and living alone won’t either,
for solitude will also break you with its yearning.
You have to Love.
You have to feel.
It is the reason you are here on this earth.
You are here to risk your heart.
You are here to be swallowed up by life.
And when that happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt,
or death brushes near,
let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps,
wasting their sweetness.
Ahh, but tell yourself…
that you tasted as many as you could”
Louise Erdich

Why bother with romantic Love?
It’s like licking honey from a razor blade.
So sticky and tricky this sweet agony.

“Have you learnt the lesson?”
Fuck, there’s a lesson?!
A reason for this whiplash?

I crane my neck expectantly to the heavens
And shout up in prayer-like garbled confusion
Please, please tell me what it is!
(dial tone)
No?
Silence?…again?
Its always like that when talking to God.
One way traffic.
If God and I were in a relationship, it’d be over a long time ago.
Irreconcilable differences.

The quantum nature of Love, being in two places at the same time.
Each other seeing a different angle.
Do we even see the same thing when we look at Love?

Expectations clamp and suffocate Love, big L.
Not faux love, small l, swipe left, swipe right ‘love’.
Big Love.

Pieces of an adventure lie scattered at my feet like a broken mirror.
Fragments of Self Love wink back at me.
I’ve poured myself into another for so long that I forgot what I look like.
Older, deeper, weary- the story of our journey etched around my eyes like the rings of a tree,
Feast and famine.
And yet, my capacity for Love remains unbowed, stronger than ever.
I have found something,
I’m not too sure what it does yet but it’s
Definitely unbroken.