All couples argue…

However deeper, sometimes dangerous difficulties arise when  particular  psychological constellations align in the spaces between and within couples. When the right combination unfolds, our unconscious primal wounds may be hooked and begin to stir dark, half-formed leviathans beneath our conscious awareness.

I am currently in the fierce grip of one of these half-known beasts that trawl the darker recesses of the mind. What I do know is that the wound is deeper than my current relationship, but it is being hooked by the present set of circumstances.

The challenge at this volatile time is to differentiate and deconstruct the bewildering display put on by my defenses. This is an extremely difficult task with a hyper-aroused amygdala primed for what it feels is imminent threat. The problem is that the real threat happened a long time ago and the psychic defensive reflex is now more harmful than protective. It is like a castle that was built during a time of great strife, an impenetrable fortress that was extremely effective in protecting that which it felt was valuable, sacred tracts of the Self. Now, many years later the war has passed, my life has grown roots- and yet, if my partner stumbles across this old terrain, those on the walls are galvanized once again into action and I watch helplessly as they pour boiling pitch from above.

Intimate partners often know aspects of the interior landscape of the Other, but some of the roads are winding and lead into deep, dark  thicket. There should be warning signs up-

“BEWARE- Primal monster afoot, ignore at your peril”